So to start off my blog with a bit of philosophy and negativity does not really make a good first impression, but the last 24 hours I have spent a lot of time in a deep pit of sadness. I need to move-on; I need to put this out in the universe.
Last night I lost my best friend. No she did not pass away, but it does feel like a loss of extraordinary measure. We have always had our difficulties; she is one of a select few I have completely blurred my SL and RL. I fell in love with her and eventually morphed that love into a deep friendship, because we could not sustain a healthy relationship in SL. We always had period of silence before to heal, we have fought hundreds of times and loved thousands. I am a stubborn bitch, and she can be very tenacious while upset. We were a chaos storm, even if the world is calm and bright. I am not without flaws…. I know my weakness. I tend to be brash, stubborn, and I seek attention, usually wanting to be at the center of said attention. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I give too many damn chances to those who do not deserve them. Sometimes I focus on others feelings more than my own, and last night made me realize that sometimes…. despite the truth, despite others feelings I need to stop giving these chances, and stop trying to reason and rationalize with those who cannot/refuse to help themselves. To intentionally hurt those you” love’ with words, that you know cut deep, and know have a history with said person SL & RL, then using it to harm a person is hateful, manipulative and not fair... To use someone’s “buttons” to harm them intentionally just out of anger or self-destruction is not healthy. I worry, for my friend…. Because she is driving all those away who care for her, and not with little jagged wedges but with atomic level words and actions that triggers a maelstrom of vitriol & hatefulness with whom she called ”Friends”. My friend has had these outbursts before, and has cut me deep in the past; she promised it would never happen again, so I gave her that chance. It just so happened the last chance was the most hurtful. “You will be reminded each day of what you could have had with me.” These words do not have the desired effect when she spoke them to me last night; they give me assurance and strength that I made the right choice. Her words will no longer ring in my ears. Because the true colors came out, and I am glad for the truth. I made my choice, to let her go romantically in fear of not being able to supports her needs. But her steadfast ways to prove what I was missing backfired on her.. I know what I am missing.. This pit in my stomach, the knot of fear and anger in my belly since this behavior began three weeks ago… it was gone this morning. Her words only proved my fears and it enlightens those around her that she can only blame for so long before taking responsibility of her instability and insecurity. I can no longer be the vessel for her suffering; I can no longer be the blame. I cannot spiral down her rabbit hole that she slowly hollows out until the bottom is breached. I can no longer sit idle as the abuse comes down relentlessly…. Not just on me, but those around her… So my “friend” please explore the unknown and take the risk… abandon the past, and your suffering. Put one foot in front, with small but progressive strides. Take responsibility for your actions, and your words. Open your eyes to the truth -it is not those around you creating a distance/disturbance, but your own self-destruction. May you find peace, for this is my last goodbye. Goodbye….. - Zoë “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” - Thich Nhat Hanh P.S. Next post will be happier and m rein theme of what I want for my new blog. --Cheers
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorThis is the crossing of the wicked and divine. My subset of moods and expression. There are no themes here only my flights of fancy. Sensuality, sexuality, romance, fashion, to pornographic- I strive for nothing and express everything. Flickr SponsorsArchives
September 2017
Categories |